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We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been only interested in her husband. It shocked her. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a nation I've visited on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired me to confirm her choices. I have returned from 30 days in that place and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of resolution takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the interaction between you."

Remember that she also has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject all you say, as some people have a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out defensively then consider your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, it provides satisfaction that you've been open and direct.